Just an update

I want to apologise for how irregular I post. 

There has been a lot going on recently, both to do with myself and life in general. 

For example, I am back at school! which is both a good thing and a bad thing. I really enjoy school, I enjoy the studying and the talking and keeping busy but it has been so stressful to be back. 

Another thing that has been going on is that I am already studying (I'm actually taking a break right now to write this and post on Instagram, of course) 

But I am stressing myself out even more by worrying about what people think of me, I worry about what my friends, boyfriend, teachers, family, strangers and even my friend's families think of me. I know I can never please everyone and that instead of trying to do so I should just be myself because I will need to live with myself for the rest of my life, but knowing that doesn't help. 

On a positive note I have received a letter notifying me I am getting an award tomorrow, which is supposed to be good but in a sense, it weirds me out. The award is for "... the positive contribution you made during the college during term 2 of this year" I don't deserve this. Last term I had (on average) 4 anxiety attacks a week. I felt like a waste of space because I would need to get removed from the classroom and it sucks so I think this award is a pity award but I am trying to be positive. 

Thank you once again and Goodnight.