Where I am now... 

I am currently 15 years of age (soon to be 16) and I am also in grade ten. Grade ten here in Australia is pretty much the year where you get your life sorted, you pick your senior subjects and aim for which uni you will go to where you will study more so you can eventually become what you want to be to make all of this even more stressful we have a thing called work experience. so on top of your regular studying and freaking out about the future yet trying to have a normal teenage life you need to arrange a place you can go and work at for a week and you don't get paid.

When I was in grade three 15 was the age I was going to have my life sorted out, I was going to have a group of friends and we would always hang out, of course, I would have had a boyfriend who I would always be with and he would be perfect, I was going to getting an average of B's, I would have a job, be close to my family and of course at least know what I would do with my life and know the path I would need to take to get there.

Now that I am 15 I don't really have that and I feel as if I'm not really good enough (which is obviously stupid) the thing is that plan probably wasn't overly far fetched. I could have that, I know that because at some stage throughout my life I have had that or I do have that.
1. I used to have two friends and we hung out probably at least once a week BUT the three of us aren't as close anymore NOW I only really have one close friend that I hang out with a lot but I prefer having just our friendship instead of the group I had previously (even though the other girl is lovely). I also have an internet friend and a friend I have had since grade three who I still talk to from time to time but I wish I could speak to them more, I also have friends in grade seven and people from of all different ages that I talk to (including adults).
2. I do have a boyfriend. I don't really get to spend much time actually with him, he has a job and school and other commitments and if we are going to be honest, awful internet. I don't get to sit with him at school with his friends or go on dates with him (because of my crippling anxiety that hates anything new) and he isn't perfect because there is no such thing as perfect. BUT I have a boyfriend whom I love and I tell everything to him, he helps me grow and the time we do get to hang out is wonderful. He makes me happy which is sometimes hard to do.
3. I do not get an average of Bs. Do I remain to be disappointed in this fact... OF COURSE, it's one of my leading reasons as to why I suffer from anxiety. The reason I want an average of B's is so I can do headstart, I really want to do headstart because as you might be able to tell by now, I like to have my life sorted and headstart would seem to help. In some subjects I do well in, yes but the other subjects drag my average down and they are subjects I won't even be doing next year BUT I'm working on it, I'm chasing my dream.
4. I used to have a job. One day my depression and anxiety were really bad and my mother called my boss and notified him and then the decision came that I would return to work when I was ready... that was probably a year ago and he has sold the business now BUT I will always have the memories of working there and I worked with some terrific human beings who I really miss.
5. my family is a family. We have our problems and I have some good things about us. are we close, no BUT I do know they all love me and I love them.
6. I know what I want to do with my life, I want to be a secondary English and history teacher. I can see the path I have to take but I'm very tired from my long walk to where I am now BUT a lot of people have my back and I'm sure they will be fine to help me get there.

So in conclusion of this blog post I want you to know that it doesn't matter if things aren't what you imagined they would be because if it was the way you imagined it, it wouldn't be as fun...

Goodnight